Waking up...

I wake up with his arms wrapped around me. My heart beats as if it is going to jump out of my chest. This is the first day to the rest of my life. As I lye here in the morning glow of the sun, crackling through the window, I know there is something out there for me.

I can hear the clamoring of the trees against the window of Aaron's room. I listen as the wind blows through the trees, creating an echo of nature through the apartment. I close my eyes as the wood of the rafter’s creeks and cracks with the change of weather outside. I open my eyes and start to stand trying not to wake him. I slowly move the covers off of my legs and crawl out of bed as he starts to turn in his sleep. I look down, as his eyes open to capture my attention.

“No,” he says, as he looks in my eyes and wraps his hand behind my neck, pulling me down to the bed. “Stay, just a little longer.” I lay my head into the curve of his neck and my lips rest against his chin. The pounding of my heart grows deeper. I fight the urge to say something. I fight to understand how my life fell apart but I can’t make heads or tails of all that has happened. The only thing I know for sure is that Aaron is not only my rock of Gibraltar. but he is also my inspiration. I look up connecting with his eyes as my lips brush against his cheek. “I just want to hold you a little longer,” he says.

How can he want to hold me? How can he still be dedicated to staying by my side after all I have put him through? I want to be like him. I want his strength. I want to be secure in the fact that everything is going to be ok, but I have already lost faith in the possibility, so I lie.

“What do you mean,” I ask, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He softly pulls my head against his chest and says, “I know. I am not going to let anything happen to you.”

Aaron’s belief is amazing. Not because of who he worships, but because of the strength of his convictions. When he says he is not going to let anything happen to me for a quick moment I believe it. He may not be from a comic book, but for all intensive proposes he is my hero. I know this, despite all my efforts to avoid the feelings that are brewing between us; I know that my life would have ended in the blackness, had he not brought me back.

I feel like time is running out. I feel like I can’t get passed this. Every step I take is a delicate one. I was doing so much better despite the last few months of bleeding, or at least that is what I thought until last night. I have taken a few days off for recovery and will return to work on Monday but for the next few days, all I want is to try and forget the last 24 hours. I know that I need to call Samara. I know that I need to let her know what happened. I hesitate, not wanting to move out of Aaron’s arms. I want to stay here looking into his eyes, pretending that he is the fortress built to protect me from the outside world but I know this is not an option. I close my eyes. “I should get up,” I say.

“You should rest,” he replies. “Just lay here and let me hold you. Give in,” he says, “it is ok to just rest.”

I look up at him, and lower myself into him one last time. He leans in and captivates me with his smile. It feels as if there is something pulling me to him and it will not let me go. I stop fighting it. I stop pretending for a moment that this is wrong and enjoy how the security I have been longing for. As we come closer to each other, I can feel his warm breath against my face. I smile as a single tear falls from my right eye. “I..” I gasp, trying to speak, but I am immobilized.

“You love Luis.” He makes the statement loud with his voice cracking. He stands above me and fans he blanket over my shivering body. “I have to get a shower.”

I try to stop him. I try to tell him that he is wrong. I try to tell him that I it’s not Luis I need. It’s him, but he walks out of the room towel in hand.

“Wait,’ I say in a shallow whisper, “it’s not him, it’s you.”