I Smile

With his arms around me I lay in the calm of my room knowing that I am safe. With a look in his eyes I am given the notion that if for only a moment all is right with the world once again. With a smile on his cheek I know his child-like actions are like a stream which call to your heart breaking your mind away from the analytical world in which we live.

Thank you. Two simple words that crash against the wind of your lips like an uncalled upon accusation. Innocent as a small child the words mean nothing and everything at the same time and what you read into them may not be what they were meant to say.
Who says thank you anymore? I hear the words and look for the subtext. What does it mean? Why would you say it? Where did that come from? Like the shot that rang out in the middle of the night the simplest words we teach to our young right from the begining, now with no discourse to define. Thank you.

They are the words that mean what they say. They accompany a smile and a twinkle of the eye. They are the words that let you know he appreciates you and little did you know that was a good thing. They are the words that tell you that everything is going to be OK.
I never say these words to him. I never tell him that he is needed or that I appreciate the simple things he does for me. I never tell him that i need him although I am sure that he knows I do. I never tell him that I want his touch and that I glow when his embrace is wrapping itself around me. I just smile.

In the morning light when I long to have just one more second of rest I smile. In twilight of the stars when I need to put my mind at ease I smile. In the middle of the day when I am at the end of my means and all is closing in on me I smile. It is my thank you.... My smile.
I smile because I am safe. I smile because I am secure. In his arms and in his actions I know that all is OK, if for only a moment. I smile because I can close my eyes and see his laughter. I smile because he looks like a fool in my head dancing around like and idiot when no one is watching. I smile because I can hear the assurance of his chuckle through the wind, but most importantly I smile.
It has been such a long time since I have smiled. For a time I think I may have forgotten how. It has been such a long time since I woke up in the morning and felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of me because my focus is on happiness and for a short time nothing else mattered.

They see me smile and ask me why I can not stop from grinning. My friends, my family, my coworkers. No one knows the truth and no one will until I can come to a conclusion as to why this is happening to me. Why I can not control this feeling that invades me. Why this simple smile is making me so crazy. I feel guilty. It has been so long since I have had this smile upon my face I forgot how good it felt. I feel guilty as if I am doing something wrong because I want others to wear this smile if only for a day, but I refuse to give it away. I feel guilty, lost, out of control, as if I do not know how to act. Maybe I do not want to.

It is the realization that everything simple is everything important in my life. It is the realization that everything I have ran from for so long is so simple and so refined that I leap into its presence with a smile yet again. Out of the wilderness into the jungle I know not what I want and not what I yearn to have but I know what is here and what is now and I .... SMILE.